Rani Jean-Phillipe’s early beginnings take us to Canada, within the sweaty districts of Lashburn, Saskatchewan, where Rani first graced the earth. Fortunately for humankind, Rani was born with no tongue. Stories be told, that at age two Rani communicated his first word “mommy” through a fifteen minute pantomime, followed by an unprecedented two-part act including ten minutes of Friedrich Schiller’s, Don Carlos. The performance received mixed reviews.
As a small child, Rani was remembered only by his “lack of taste” for discussion, and his heady scent of black licorice. As a young man, Rani was formally educated as a Long Divisionist, but this proved to be but a fraction of Rani’s role in life as he began performing his pantomime to what critics considered the first of many “random and out of touch performances” of a generation.
Rani soon left for Hollywood to pursue his acting career and landed an appearance on The Andy Rooney Show as Man Hit in Face by Apricot #2. This caught the attention of director Dustin Delfs, who was preparing to film his made for tv remake of the 1953 classic, The Talkative Beaver, co-starring Gerard Depardieu. Audiences and critics agreed that the film was “sort of like when you ride a bike into something and you fall off the seat, then your crotch hits the middle bar.”
Next came the big screen as Rani began to see offers from big name directors, but set sights on the Spanish film Tengo Pantalones. It received mixed reviews as Rani’s pants garnished more screen time than Rani did. Out of fear of being typecast into “pants roles” he next sought out diversification and found himself in Star Trek IV: Flying Aliens, in the role of Lt. Spock’s female Vulcan counterpart, Kongy. The role was limited but the love scene caught the public eye, and the attention of Rani.
Next, Rani introduced himself to the musical world by releasing a solo pop effort aptly entitled, In a Box, Pull a Rope. The album sales slumped and Columbia Records blamed the lack of vocals, but Rani insisted that the public was not ready for concepts such as being trapped in a box, and that is was too avant-garde for North American audiences.
The last public attention Rani received was in 2001, when he was sentenced to 5 month probation for “ham holding” in the seedy districts of Lower Wyoming. The only question now is, what does the future hold for Rani Jean-Phillipe? Or better yet, what will Rani Jean-Phillipe hold in the future? Will it be ham, or greatness?